The First Year of Retirement: Karen Carr on Routine, Identity and Connection

Financial preparation is only part of preparing for retirement. The change can also affect how a person spends an ordinary Tuesday, introduces themselves or stays connected with friends. Retirement coach Karen Carr of Revitalize Coaching shares exercises she uses to help people explore a satisfying life after full-time work.

This interview has been edited for length and clarity. The exercises describe Karen’s coaching approach; individual experiences differ.

1. What can surprise people about retirement, even when they feel financially prepared?

People often report unexpected feelings of anxiety. This can happen when they have chosen to retire, but especially when they have been let go from their positions earlier than planned.

2. How can someone rebuild a satisfying weekly routine?

Identifying priorities related to a person’s values can help them focus on activities that bring gratification. One exercise I suggest is creating a two-week “Ideal Schedule.”

In a first draft, people often put a question mark in a space as a placeholder. The exercise gives them a way to begin exploring what they want their days to contain.

3. What small experiment can help someone look beyond their career identity?

Try brainstorming 100 activities you might try. The key words are “might” and “try.” In a brainstorm, there are no right or wrong answers.

Avoid the “shoulds” or a sense of obligation. Even talking about possibilities can help people feel freer to take new steps and practice enjoying life, rather than following someone else’s checklist.

4. How can retirees maintain friendships and make new connections?

Commit to initiating friendship activities. If there are several people you would like to know better, start with a small group activity, such as a game night or walking club.

It can be easier to gather colleagues while you are still working together, but if you have already retired, take the initiative. Many people appreciate someone organizing a get-together. Start with a short list, perhaps five people, and build from there.

Do not take a “no” personally. Keep making invitations. A solstice party can be a reason to gather, or you can offer someone a choice of coffee or a walk. Having more than one option can make it easier to find something that works.

Look for local resources, too. County libraries are a good place to start.

Editor’s note: Keep invitations low-pressure and respect someone’s wish not to be contacted again.

5. What can couples discuss when their retirement expectations differ?

I ask people to make a Venn diagram with three sections: Yours, Mine and Ours. Put shared activities in the overlapping section and individual interests in the separate sections.

Start with three items in each section, then build on the list with your partner. It is a way to explore what you want to share and what each person wants independently.

6. What does the coaching process look like in practice?

Here is a composite example drawn from at least three former clients, rather than the story of one person. They wanted to make significant changes in retirement. We began by clarifying where they found satisfaction at work and outside it, using a Life Wheel and a values-clarification exercise.

After someone ranks their values, I ask for a paragraph describing each priority and how their behavior matches it. My own top three values, for example, are nature, creativity and relationships. This helps us begin to picture a post-career life.

Coaching includes choosing tasks and following up on what the person says they want more of. Some people I have worked with have moved on from businesses they once found difficult to let go of. Visualization can also help people consider new ideas.

One useful metaphor is a hat that tells the world who you are. If your professional hat once said “college administrator” or “surgeon,” what would you like your post-career hat to say?

In my experience, people who have made good progress have often worked with me for three to eighteen months, depending on where they are in their journey. That is an observation from my practice, not a required duration or a promise of results.

The coach is the listener and guide. I do not tell someone what comes next. They discover it through a process tailored to the individual.

About Karen Carr

Karen Carr established Revitalize Life Coaching, LLC in 2001. She is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach and Certified Professional Retirement Coach, with a master’s degree in teaching. Her work focuses on helping people explore a gratifying post-career or next-career life through individual coaching and classes.

Learn about Karen’s coaching and classes: Revitalize Coaching